Val Kilmer Sure Is Fat These Days

Kilmer later ate this parade float, believing it to be made of root beer and ice cream.

Luke Wilson Enjoys Sitting Under Umbrellas, Pondering How Fat He Is These Days

Hey Baumer, easy on the Home Fries! Look at how fat you are these days! Also, my AT&T coverage is awful.

Jack Nicholson Doesn’t Believe In Wheat Bread, As It Doesn’t Make You Fat These Days

Even on vacaion, Jack has to work hard to maintain his status as the Lakers’ biggest fan.

Pierce Brosnan Has No Issues Going On Boats And Showing How Fat He Is These Days

The world is not enough for Pierce Brosnan, even if it were made completely of delicious ham hocks.

Randy Quaid Often Holds Empty Giant-Cupcake Wrappers, Because He is Fat These Days

These days, Randy Quaid reprises his iconic “I’m baaaaaaacccckkk!” line from Independence Day, every afternoon at 4:30 at Chili’s.

Dennis Haskins, You Astound Us With Your Fatness These Days

And I’d still rather hang out with him than Fez.

With Goldie Hawn’s Fupa Holding Up Surprisingly Well, Kurt Russell Is Handling The Being Fat These Days

The Trouble in Little China has never been bigger. Of course, none of this makes 1980 barnburner Used Cars any less incredible.

Rulon Gardner is Quite Impressively Fat These Days

Roll on, Rulon! It should be fairly easy considering how fat you are these days.

This Fat Kid Is Fat These Days

And you’ve only got yourself to blame, role model Rulon Gardner.

Congratulations John Travolta, You’re Fat These Days

For John Travolta, Old Dogs are footlong Hebrew Nationals that’ve made it 35 seconds without him demolishing them.