William Howard Taft Was Fat Those Days, When The White House Was Actually Just a Giant House in Which Every Room Was a White Castle
I’ve always been fascinated by the fatness of William Howard Taft, mainly because I grew up on a street called Taft Crescent. When asked for my address, no one ever understood said street (“Taft Crescent Street? Taft Crescent Avenue?”), so I’d always have to spell out “T-A-F-T”, then say, “and crescent, like a crescent roll.” I’m pretty sure William Howard Taft would’ve liked that description, then quickly eaten it.
This guy at Gunaxin was nice enough to create the handy line graph below of Taft’s weight swings over the years. Luckily for us, he saved his peak fatness for when he was president, when people were forced to take photos of him even though he was totally digusting.
Some other Taft fat-facts:
-Despite standing only 5-11, he tipped ‘em at a Louie Andersonish 340lbs at his max
-His nicknames included “Big Bill, “Big Chief”, “Big Lub” (winner), and “Old Bill”, which doesn’t make any reference to his fatness, and therefore sucks
-He was somehow Yale’s intramural heavyweight wrestling champion, a title presumably won by wrestling actual murals, which are not very good at wrestling
-He was reported to be a “rather skilled dancer”
-Everyone knows that he got stuck in his bathtub. Not everyone knows that it took four men and a pound of butter to dislodge him. Taft reportedly exclaimed “I can’t believe it’s not butter,” and the guys were all “No, it’s totally butter,” and Taft was like, “Well shit, gimme that butter then,” and just ate the butter. Then they got him out with WD-40.*